Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
