Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
