I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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