you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize