remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
