"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
