I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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