I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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