i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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