READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
