you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
