Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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