he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
