she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
