I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
