We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
