I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
