i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
