she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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