i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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