Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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