I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
