I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
