just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is