Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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