Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.