life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
