talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
