I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
