just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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