What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
