So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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