RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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