non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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