I want you more than these girls want KFC
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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