You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
