Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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