My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
