I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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