Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
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I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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