can we get nightvision for the apartment?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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