We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
