Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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