You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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