I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
