You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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