I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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