I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
