So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
