you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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