It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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