Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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