Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
