we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
