Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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