You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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