I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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