I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
