he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
