i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what day is it and did you see me today?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
