I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
