This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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