he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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