I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
