I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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