i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
