i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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