The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
