Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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