chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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