If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
