Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
