new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
